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To Invite or Not To Invite The decision to include or disclude someone from your ceremony gets even trickier when it’s a close family member 
Seeing as how I know very little about how weddings work (I’ve only been to four in my whole life), I know nothing about big, vaguely political guest lists. Luckily, my maid of honor is my fiancé’s sister; she’s going to help with his side of the family, which is the side with the most of the numbers. But that doesn’t mean I’m off the hook. In fact, my guest-list work seriously is cut out for me. The main problem? I’ve got – how shall I put it – a “problem” guest. I won’t say which family member it is, but trust me when I say that it’s a major player. Not inviting this person would be pretty bad; then again, inviting this person might be worse. What’s a bride to do? Linda Kevich of Winnipeg, Canada, has been in the wedding consultation business for 17 years and currently serves as Director of The International Institute of Weddings. Kevich says that when it comes to trouble guests, it’s all on a case-by-case basis. “How you handle a problem guest is related to the specifics of the particular situation,” says Kevich. “In general, however, the best advice I have for every bride is unless its something that has the potential to be truly catastrophic, just relax and make the decision not to give anyone the power to affect your wedding day with their own negative energy.” OK, I can live with that. As Kevich reminds me, “You really don’t have any control over what someone else is going to do, but you do have control over your own reaction.” Very Zen. I like it. Though my mind might be at ease about that aspect of the guest-list puzzle, there’s still all the other stuff: Do I invite my old college chum even though we haven’t spoken in years? What about every member of the theatre company I work with? “It was stressful to decide who we would cut from the list,” says bride Darci Lynn of Chicago. “Ultimately we defined parameters for who we would invite and that took the guilt out of cutting people.” Lynn says that a well-known rule helped rule-out a lot of people, too. “I read somewhere that if you haven’t had dinner with the person in over a year, you aren’t obligated to invite them. Obviously this doesn’t apply to out-of-town guests, but it eliminated the need to invite friends of friends.” But, as Kevich points out, wedding “rules” are never set in stone. “It’s got to be what you are comfortable with, what’s going to make you happy, and what you can comfortably afford,” she says. “Your wedding day should be a reflection of who you are, right down to the size of the guest list. If you’re in your element when surrounded by 500 of your closest friends, then it’s not too many. If a small, intimate affair of only your closest family and friends is more in keeping with what you’re comfortable with, then it’s not too few.” Looking at it this way, it seems doable. I just need to sit down with my fiancé, my maid of honor, my mom, my address book, my checkbook, my Christmas card list, my photo album, my planner and my therapist’s phone number, just in case. Piece of cake. |
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