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What’s For (Rehearsal) Dinner? What’s a rehearsal dinner. One bride had to ask … Seriously 
I‘ve been to maybe four weddings in my whole life. I’m 28 years old, and most of my girlfriends have been to at least three times that many at my age. A lack of cousins, a habit of losing touch with people in my past, and simple lack of opportunity have all contributed to my poor attendance record. As a result, I know squat about how weddings work. Now that I’m planning my own, this is a problem. One of my first questions has been, “What the heck is a rehearsal dinner?” Don’t laugh! I’ve never been to one. When I picture “rehearsal dinner,” I picture people picking up empty forks and pretending to eat. I picture the bride and groom standing at a long table, yelling out directions over the clatter. Apparently, this isn’t how it is. In fact, I’ve since learned that the rehearsal and the dinner are separate parts of the same night. Imagine that! Stephanie Hain, a bride-to-be from Dallas, seems to have a handle on the concept. “For me, personally, the rehearsal dinner is a time for the bride and groom to honor the people who are participating in the wedding,” she says, “And to have some intimate time with those that are closest to them after they have their ceremony practice.” Hain says that post-run-through dinner provides some much needed sanity time before the wedding circus the next day. “The day of the wedding will be so fast and hectic [the bride and groom’s] attention will be in a million places.” OK, so I think I’ve got it, now: You rehearse first – at the church or ceremony location – and then you eat. Good idea. Mixing the two would be a little awkward, I suppose. And speaking of awkward, that’s another concern: this rehearsal and subsequent dinner (yes, I’m calling them two separate things because they are) will be the first time a lot of my family meets his family. My older sister’s extremely “alternative lifestyle” is going to look even more alternative next to my fiancé’s extremely “traditional” uncle from Eastern Europe. Suddenly, I’m not so hungry. “I had never been at a wedding rehearsal before, and wasn’t sure what I’d find,” says recently wed Amber Brown Felix from Culver City, Calif. “Being a non-Catholic marrying in the Catholic Church, my nerves were shot. My agnostic family meeting with his religious family had me up nights worrying.” Brown Felix says the rehearsal was helpful, even with all her stressing about a possible World War III. “The great thing about a rehearsal is that it’s a ‘dry-run’ for the children in the wedding to know what they should do,” she says. “Then again, perhaps I should have listened better; I kept looking behind me to see how our families were faring together instead of learning my ‘moves.’” As it turns out, Brown Felix obsessed needlessly about the two families getting along; things went just fine. “I had feared the clashing of religious versus non-religious, parent versus parent, family versus family,” she says, but admits, “I had nothing to worry about.” It’s comforting to know there are post-rehearsal dinners with happy endings, but I’m telling you, my sister’s lifestyle is really, really alternative. Really. So for those who aren’t comfortable, they’ll just have to deal. The guest list for the post-rehearsal dinner is open to whomever the bride and groom would like to invite. Standard protocol these days suggests you invite those in the wedding, plus close family members and out-of-town guests with whom you’re particularly close, sort of as a “Hey, thanks for coming from Guam to see me tie the knot” kind of thing. “For our rehearsal dinner, we are inviting only those who will be participating in the ceremony, their spouses and the few out-of-town guests that are also close family,” says Hain. “I’ve been to bigger rehearsal dinner celebrations, as well, and they were a lot of fun. In the end, it’s most about what you think is best for your wedding!" Now that I understand the actual concept, I’ll start working on the seating chart … |
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