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Your Very Own Vows How to personalize your wedding ceremony with words that express your love and relationship 
Traditional vows that promise fidelity in sickness, health and throughout a lifetime create a sense of commitment between the bride and groom. But with millions of couples echoing the same words over the years, the classic phrases may lack an intimate touch and fail to reflect what the couple anticipates for their life together. Perhaps a line about loving your mate even when he breaks a leg and isn't fit for human company would be more appropriate. Or, if you two met on at a climbing wall, you'd like to declare your love until Mt. Everest shrinks to a molehill. Tap into your imagination. Writing your own vows not only allows you to take control of the ceremony but gives you and your intended an opportunity to examine your shared values, says Janet Anastasio, co-author of "The Everything Wedding Vows Book" (Adams Media Corp, 1995). "If you write your own vows the words become more important and meaningful," says Anastasio, a Holbrook, Mass resident. To start, she suggests you make a checklist of your values and what you're looking for in the marriage. "There's no right or wrong. Start with everything you enjoy together; what you mean to each other; what your goals are," says Anastasio. She's heard vows that incorporate the heritage of the bride or groom. It might be a saying from someone's grandmother or an Irish poem for the bride's Irish father. The personal is something couples should emphasize, says Rich Little, who as a minister, gives couples the option of writing their own vows. "I encourage people to talk about each other's characteristics; stories from the past that lay the foundation for the marriage," says Rev. Little of the Naperville Church of Christ in Naperville, Ill. "One woman talked about a touching gift her fiancé gave her that no one else did," says Rev. Little. As a minister he counsels couples to make firm pledges to each other and bring spirituality into their marriages. "You have to have very serious committed language [in the vows]. You're tying a knot in a marriage. Is it a double-knot or a slipknot?" Rev. Little asks. Couples should also find the words to assure they'll remain together in sickness and in health, according to the minister. "We not only want to make this personal but we want to take steps to protect the vows," says Rev. Little. Once the wedding is over, hang on to those words, says Anastasio. "You can keep and repeat them." |
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